me: Yay, I have you addicted to Bellen now!

I was watching Oprah today and it interviewed Women in their 30's across America and it was interesting how diverse it really was. Being a Woman in my 30's it made me think about what it means to me.

I am not where I thought I would be at 36, and I do not think I am alone when I say this. Many Woman find themselves in this position. I had imagined one of two places...married with a couple children with a nice house and or single with a lucrative career and living the glamouros life of travel, beautiful clothes, fabulously interesting friends and any man I want. Well as you can see the last vision was mostly my pre-adult view. Interestingly the two visions are so different and seem to be derived from the family life I was brought into anf my own desire to be somethng different.

Where am I stuck in between...my divorce derailed the lovely fictional family I was going to have and with an exception of being single and having fabulous friends well there is nothing glamouros going on here. I guess in many ways I am fine with that having that kind of single life takes so much work and money and the family life would be fabulous only with the right partner who was supportive.

Being in my mid 30's has been a strange thing for me because I had to learn to be single for the first time ever, never been alone. So I chose to take this time to learn about myself and find out what I really do want with my life. I think the best thing about your 30's is that you realize the important part friends play in your life and you choose those friends much more wisely, you learn to be flexible because life does throw you some curve balls, and you begin to become much more comfortable in your own skin.

I view success differently as well. In my early adult years success was all superficial things...the car you drove, the salary you took home, the clothes you wore, and the places your traveled to. Well these days sometimes success is as small as I got through the day with a smile on my face. It is much more internal for me. You know those days when you wake up and you just know mentally and emotionally it is going to be a tough one?? I now give myself space to work through it the best I can I am more patient with myself and realize that I need to give myself the respect I deserve first and foremost. I also know that I do not have all the answers and tomorrow will most likely bring a whole new list of questions, concerns and challenges for me to overcome.

I gave up the plan, I do not know where I will be 4 years from now I am not even sure where I will be 4 days from now so why plan? No I am not wandering through life aimlessly let's just say I have become much more flexible these days and realize well to enjoy what the results produce.

So cheers to being a Woman in your 30's and learning to want and love the life you have afterall this moment too shall pass.

Two hundred thirty two years ago (or, if you're all Abe on us, 11 score and 12 years ago) a bunch of traiterous, fraternal geniuses set forth to piss off the Old Country.

They did it rather well.

I'm pinko liberal (not quite Commie -- pink ala Hello Kitty) and so I will try to avoid disparaging the presidents I haven't agreed with; however do please note that I agree that only Nixon could go to China, that it's hard to dislike Regan, and that FDR deserved all 4 terms. I note that people made fun of Lincoln and Kennedy but I think were they offered the choice between our current president and Jake Kennedy or Abe Lincoln they'd roll their eyes in protest of the askance.

That aside, as a pinko liberal I have many things I'm thankful for.

• I can make fun of our current administration (or past ones) without fear of reprisal either in the workplace or my personal life. I can do it publicly, at the top of my voice, and in the most annoying fashion that occurs to me.
• I can debate said administrations with friends as adults and intellectual equals. That said, I can choose to ignore people who piss me off and/or I think are intellectually stunted. Neaner neaner.
• I can elect to own a firearm. Or not. (I do not. I intend to. But like voting with study, I believe if you are going to own one you should know how to arm it, clean it, shoot it, and use it properly. And don't point it without intent to do what you may need to do).
• I can vote. I can say if I do or do not like a candidate and my vote will count as much as the twit up the street, if that means all my vote does is counteract hers, then fine.
• As a woman, I can hold a position of power. I can manage. I can own my own home, my own property, and raise my son. I can wear shorts and a tank top in public and the only fear I have about exposed flesh is that the latte I just ingested makes it less attractive than if I hadn't.
• I am innocent until proven guilty.
• I do not have to have religion. I am free to choose one or not, and I am not required to observe anything.

Some things would be nice. Universal healthcare, in its most utopian sense, for example. But even the Canadians I know have dislikes of their system so I haven't the answer there. I would prefer we were not acting as the police of the world: we have enough problems at home. I would prefer we kept tabs on the government debt like we encourage our constituents to: we don't need to rack up more on the governmental credit card. Polonius was right, folks: neither a borrower or a lender be.

And while I shouldn't sing (even though I did today, for Ali's birthday -- happy B-day, Ali!) and you won't find me singing "I'm proud to be an American" any time soon (or sober), I do wish our country a happy birthday.  I think we're doing some things right, some things less right, and some things wrong; but I relish the freedom to be able to say it publicly :)

Not keeping track terribly well since I've last blogged. Too many weird positives and negatives in the last few days and my algebraic algorithms are all atwitter. I'm going to say things are positive in my area right now, but some of my dearest are going through rough times.

A dear friend's daughter got bit by their dog (accident!) (no it wasn't a pit bull), which as a parent has to be the most brutal thing to go through. They are doing amazingly well and their daughter is healing very well -- Evergreen hospital in Totem Lake apparently has a pediatric plastic surgeon on staff and did wonders, as day to day the wound appears to be healing faster and faster.

Another dear friend's parents announced they are divorcing. Completely out of the blue, and not terribly well understood, it's left him wondering how and what and why. I attended to this as a 7 year old: my life was easy then, I didn't have to "perform" at work or attend to other adult responsibilities, and most of the mental intricacies of the situation were not within my understanding (ignorance can indeed be bliss). How do you counsel an adult through his parents' divorce? My heart and hopes are with him. And his parents, they're good people. It's harsh when this happens and you don't know what to say.

I had a candidate who flew well through phone interviews and tanked on the in-person, my 5th head remains open. I am trying not to get discouraged. I have learned as a manager that you hold out for the best, and if that means the best isn't graduating for oh, say, a year, then so be it. It's easier to hold out for a rock star than to settle and pay that price.

My 'rents closed on their new house, but unfortunately the junk they have to contend with (MRSA infections, cat pee everywhere) means they aren't moving their stuff until nearly my birthday. Craft room will have to wait, but I'd rather they got the house to their liking before they move.

The kilt is going really well, I've steeked the pleats (that's where you cut away the excess and then sew it closed so it won't fray) and then reinforced them (so they won't spread with wear). Next up is some more reinforcing with canvas. I went to Jo-Ann's today (my local fabric stores are gone, I have to go 20 minutes away to get fabric now) and they were having an incredible sale. I have yet another project on my list for when the kilt is done; I'm thinking that I'm one of those people who needs an impossible length of things to do for me to be happy. I suppose it's better than being one of those who invents drama, but I'm not sure.

And that's the catch up for recent days. I'll be doing a second post today, for a special occasion.

Not that this day is a huge deal in my life. I know the day signifies a major milestone for our country but aside from the hubby getting a day off from work and the excitment of fireworks I don't often ponder the meaning of Independence Day like I would Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter.

This day does bring back memories though. Two years ago I was quite preggers. My due date was still over a week away but with concern over my high blood pressure and trips to the OB every few days I got the impression I'd be in the hospital with a baby before my "official" due date. I was put on bedrest near the end of June and was not able to go to the Rockeis fireworks game with Andy on the 3rd. He went and met some friends there. Unfortunately he did not get to enjoy the and of the game or the fireworks after. I was laying on the couch watching TV and began to see stars. A scary thing that could indicate preeclampsia. So after calling Andy he rushed home to take me down to the hospital. Thankfully everything checked out fine and they sent me home.

After yet another trip to the OB, I was scheduled for an induction. So we went in the Saturday after the 4th that year and Stephan came a little over 24 hours later. When it gets to be this time of year, that is probably the memory that I will most likely think about. The day the perfect little boy came into my life. And to think I so wanted him to be a girl ... maybe next time.

Read Bellen!, if you're not already.  Your soul will thank you.

In honor of Independence Day, show us something patriotic.

Canada Day Cake

Kinds cloudy/foggy out so far :(

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