18 posts tagged “me”

This is most likely complete overkill on self portraits today... but they were all in my phone from last night.  I was trying on dresses for a high school reunion (not mine) that I am going to next week.  I thought taking pics would help me decide which one I liked better...  um, it didn't... ended up buying two and will decide later I guess.  Hoping I can lose a few more pounds before it creeps up.  Time to hit the gym!!

And then here are a couple of me this morning on the way to work... I didn't have any patriotic wear for the 4th... so I thought I'd show some love to our troops and wear my camo hat today.

Channeling Marilyn

Sexy never goes out of style

It never fails... I walk into Target for one thing (this time tampons and lunch for the kids tomorrow... fridays they have to bring sack lunches).... and I walk out with 20 things that I don't need but call to me from shelves and racks, pleading "buy me... buy me."

Last night it was this shirt.

Jenna asked me who it was and if she was a rock star.  I said ... She was a star that sparkled as bright as diamonds, but faded too quickly like a falling star.  Jenna asked... what did she sing?  And I said... Every woman's anthem: "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."  Jenna giggled and said ... Mommy you are silly. 

That I am.  But I do love my shirt.

I did take this picture yesterday... but I forgot to post it.

Mom of a six year old tomorrow... who would have thunk it?

A little bit retro

2 comments

Miranda 7 months pg

Six years ago I started the most rewarding journey of my life.  I was plagued with heartburn, very little sleep, and excessive water retention, but I was happier than I've ever been.

As I read through some of my nieghbors' blogs that are beginning this journey for the first time, all those memories came rushing back to me.  The excitement, the joy, the fear and worry, the physical discomfort, and the emotional highs and lows.  Each memory poignant and real. 

SIX years.  Wow.  I swear one moment I was nursing a new born and then I blinked my eyes and she's turning six years old, about to be in first grade and smarter than most 2nd graders I know.

For those soon-to-be new mom's out there, I thought I would tell my story.  How a young woman became a "Mommy".

I was 26 years old and only married a year.  We had gotten pregnant by accident just a few months after the wedding, and by the time we got use to the idea of being parents, I miscarried.  How do you mourn something you weren't sure you were even ready for?  Well I did.  I still do when I think of that unborn piece of me.

But that was the beginning of my journey.  We decided that we did indeed want to be parents.  I went off the pill and we decided to not "try"... but not "not try" either.  We kinda left it up to God.  Six months later, while my husband did a backyard project with a friend on Labor Day of 2001, I got the two pink lines on the pee stick.  When he came in from working hard outside all day, I laid the stick next to the beer I brought him while he cleaned up in the shower.  When he went to get a drink, he looked up at me beaming.  We hugged and kissed and jumped up and down. 

The next few months were so exciting, but full of change.  Every morning I'd throw up while trying to brush my teeth.  I had to sit down on the edge of the tub while I brushed my hair, because I was too exhausted and nausious to stand up and do it.  I came home each evening from a long day at work and laid on the couch useless.  Too tired to do anything but whine and complain about the changes in my body.

And I ate.  Good GOD I found a license to eat anything I wanted and I did.  I couldn't wait to get fat and wear maternity clothes.  I found a love for guacamole dip and midnight runs to Whataburger (you gotta live in Texas to understand).  I absorbed anything I could find on babies and being a mother.  Books, magazines, online message boards.  My entire life revolved around this little being growing inside of me.

I still remember the fun I had with the little electric gun at Babies R Us.  Deciding what little things we'd need to care for our child.  Scanning boppy pillows, burp rags, diapers, tiny little wash rags and towels, and all the onsies and feeties you could imagine.  Tiny things made me happy.  Soft cuddly things made me swoon.  Pastels were my new favorite colors. 

After the ultrasound technician said she was 80% sure we were having a girl... we immediately picked out a name and I started to wear pink more than I ever had in my life.  By the time I was six months pregnant the nursery was decorated, I was starting to have my first baby showers (I had FOUR total) and was filling up the closet and dresser with tiny pink things... many of them covered in ladybugs.  We started to nickname our sweet growing girl "JennaBug".  It stuck.

PG Miranda 1

At 8 months I was so swollen, everything... my face, my ankles, my feet, my arms, my fingers... I had to buy a plain silver wedding band three sizes bigger because I refused to walk around fat and pregnant without a wedding band on my finger, but my gorgeous diamond set WOULD NOT go on my fingers anymore.  Even my shoes were size 8 and I normally wear a 6.5 or 7.  To say I was HUGE was an understatement.  The last few weeks I only had two pair of pants, one skirt and a half dozen shirts that still fit me.  There was no point in buying more maternity clothes, so I just did a lot of laundry and wore those few outfits bare thin.

And the bigger my belly got, the smaller my bladder shrank.  I do believe that God does this to us to prepare us for the constant up and down at night to feed a newborn.  Everyone was telling me to "rest up" cause I'd be losing tons of sleep once she was born.  But my bladder was more demanding at night than I could imagine a baby ever being.  And of course once I got up to go to the bathroom, my heartburn would keep me from laying back down and getting comfortable.  Sleep was quickly disappearing.

About 4 days before my due date, I was driving home and hit some terrible construction traffic.  While stuck going at a snails pace, I started to feel my first contractions.  Having seen enough reality shows about birthing on TLC, I was paniced that I was going to have to give birth to my child in the middle of the highway during Dallas rush hour.  Ha. 

Although the contractions were consistently 15 minutes apart for several hours, they started to slow down and I went to sleep that night convinced I'd go into full labor at any moment.  The next day the contractions stopped all together.  I was disappointed.  However my groin area felt like someone had set fire to it.  I could hardly sit still.  I had so much restless energy.  I frantically cleaned the house, I was more productive at work than I had been in months, I decided all the babies clothes HAD to be washed before I went to the hospital and I repacked my suitcase 3 times, certain I was forgetting something important.  I drove my husband completely crazy with my frenzy and anxiety.

Two days before my due date I woke up to 15 minute apart contractions again.  I figured they would go away like the ones a few days before, so I drove into work, it was my last day before my maternity leave began and I had a few things to wrap up.

By the time I got to work, they were 10 minutes a part.  I told my boss and a few co-workers, who were all paniced that I was still there and not headed to the hospital.  I had my final well-check at 10 am that morning, so I wasn't too worried.

JENNA PROFILE

When the doctor checked me a few hours later, I was indeed in labor, but not dialated at all.  I was 80% effaced.  They sent me home with some sleeping pills and told me to get some rest.  Once hard labor began to come back.  I went home, took the pills and went right to sleep.  At 10 pm I woke up in some discomfort.  I got in the bathtub to relax and time the contractions.  When they were 4 minutes apart for over 30 minutes I woke my husband to have him help me get dressed, as I was now breathing pretty hard and had to sit down with each contraction.

We packed the car up and drove the 30 minutes to the hospital.  I was in pain by this time.  Every fiber of my body hurt, but my adreniline was pumping too and I was beyond excited to be getting to meet my baby girl very soon.  And part of me was so relieved to soon have control of my body again. 

Once at the hospital the nurses silently chuckled at me and my load of belongings (suitcase for me, baby bag for Jenna, pillows and quilt from home, cd player with several relaxing cd's, and snacks for my husband so he wouldn't have any excuse to leave me.)  One of them said "Oh, so you are pretty sure you are in labor huh?  Well lets strap you up and make sure.  First babies don't come when you think they will."

I looked her right in the eye, having just went through a contraction and said "I am not going home.  You will take this baby out of me, or I will surgically remove her myself."  The nurse looked at me with wide eyes and showed me to a birthing room.  I sighed and smiled.

Unfortunately, once they strapped me up to all the monitors and such, my labor stalled again.  It was about 8:30 a.m.  I hadn't slept all night.  I hadn't eaten.  I was cranky.  The doctor came in around 11 am and said they were going to given me some pitocin to speed things along.  I was only dialated to 2 cm and not progressing, and Jenna's heartrate was slowing from all the stress.

MOM_JENNA2

At 2pm the nurse broke my water and I dialated immediately to a 4.  In came my savior.  The epidural-man, as I called him.  I still have a fondness for him to this day.  Within about three minutes of his miracle needle going into my back, I went from EXTREME BITCH to sweet and loving laboring mommy.  My friends came in to see me and chat with me.  I'd put my finger up every few minutes and say "please hold on, I am having a contraction."  I'd close my eyes, savor the pressure that included no pain and then smile up at whoever was talking to me and encourage them to continue.  It was very pleasant.

At 4:45pm the epidural wore off, while they were calling my favorite epidural man to bring me more, I dialated to 10 cm and they told me there was no time for more.  WTF?!?  No time for more drugs?  Wait, I can actually FEEL EVERYTHING down there right now.  That's not acceptable.  At 5pm the doctor put her two fingers on Jenna's crowning head and instructed me to not push, as she was still preparing everything for Jenna's arrival.  Um, yeah, tell a laboring woman with no drugs not to push... smart.  Every part of my body was trembling.  I was squeezing my mother's hand on one side and my husband's hand on the other.  I'd never wanted to do anything in my life as much as I wanted to PUSH at that very moment.  When she gave me the green light, I pushed with everything I had.

Mom and jenna sleeping

At 5:10pm, Jenna Alexandra came out tearing me as she did, because no one had time to give me the little snip of an episiotomy.  I screamed and then I cried and laughed cause it was over.  Jenna didn't make a sound.  My heart stopped and I paniced.  Why wasn't she crying?  I strained to see around the nurses and doctors to see her, but she was whooshed away to the little NICU bed they had waiting for her.  I was told she had sucked up some meconium from my water.  They had to suction everything so she could breathe.

What felt like a lifetime was probably only about 30 seconds, and then I heard the loudest wail of my life and someone handed the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen into my arms.  She stopped crying and looked right into my eyes.  I could feel her thinking "So you are my mommy.  It's so good to see you"  and it was sooooo good to see, and hold, and kiss, and hug her as well.  I'd never loved anyone like I loved her right at that moment.

Grabbed this from Jay.

Describe Me in one word...  just one word.

Heres how to Play :

1. Put my one word in the comments section of this post. Just one word that you think best describes me.

2. Then copy and paste it into your blog to have others do the same about you.

Beer is YUM

Irish Red for an Irish Redhead

I'll drink to that!

I need a tequila chaser

2 comments

Killian's Red to honor my Irish Roots and Tecate cause it went with my yummy Mexican dinner.  It was an international beer day for me. 

Irish Longhorn Fan from Texas

Me 3052008

Did you know I suffer from Anxiety and Depression?  I take a pill for it everyday.  I can go about 1-2 days without it and seem normal.  Then the 3rd day hits.  An anxious knot in my stomach begins to build.  My children wear on my patience a little harder.  It's more difficult to get out of bed each day, and harder to relax and go to sleep at night.  I eat too much for a day and then starve myself the next day.  My head aches and I get dizzy when I stand up too fast.  I blow up at people for no reason.  I nit-pic everyone's actions and motivations.  I cry for no reason - a song on the radio, a commercial that has a sappy dialogue, McCain's speech during the primaries, my son telling me not to cry, he'll take care of me --- they all reduce me to tears and emotion.

And then suddenly I remember that little bottle of pills that I haven't opened in days... has it been a week?  Dammit.  I grab the bottle and look at the tiny pink pills within.  How can one small pill bring so much chaos when you ignore it?

I swallow one down and immediately feel calmer, knowing it's affects will take time to reach the chemicals in my brain, but realizing that once they do I'll be able to see clearer, think clearer... I'll be able to see the sun, instead of the shadows.

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. "

Helen Keller

Well, I am still without my Nikon, so my self-portraits are subject to my 2.0 megapixel camera phone.  The lighting is bad, and I assure you that the color looks better in person.  I am really please with it.