9 posts tagged “nate”

The party pics:

 

 

 

Nate had fun yesterday.  I am struggling with some grown up emotions over the fact that I invited over 20 families to this party, spent nearly $300 on it, and only 5 children came.  It's probably nothing more than a "summer birthday" party thing.  However I came home and seriously mourned my previous life... the friends, the family events, the social circle... At nearly 33 years old, this is not the life I imagined.  All my friends have pretty much disappeared since my divorce and I haven't had time to make new ones... my family is either too busy or wrapped up in their own bitterness about their lives (my mom) to spend time with... and my love life is in the proverbial trash can. 

I keep remembering back to birthday parties from a few years ago... we would have 50 parents and kids... everyone loved coming to our house or to a party we hosted.  People looked at John and I as the model couple, we had the house, the cars, the friends, the supportive family.  How did it all fall apart?  My life is so very different now and somehow I lost the majority of my support system. 

And now I feel like everything I do is doomed to failure... And I feel like my kids are the one's suffering for it.  I know they want that "family" aspect of our life back too.  When John and I get along and start talking on the phone, Jenna will ask "Are you and Daddy getting back together?".  When Blue and I were together, they were constantly asking him when he was going to marry me and move to Texas.    And God it's sooooo much work doing it all by myself.  I just wish I had someone to share the everyday ups and downs... someone to sit next to at the end of the day and lean on.  Usually, I overcompensate for that by spending a little of each evening cuddling with the kids on the couch and reviewing our day.  Giggling and Sharing.  Loving and Laughing.

Now, the kids will be with their Dad all this week for one of his two weeks this summer (he gets them again for a week in August).  You would think I'd be excited about a prospect of no kids to take care of for an entire week.  Instead I am just really sad and lonely.

And someday they will grow up and have lives of their own.  And I guess just thinking about it... all that I've lost... all that I had planned for my life and haven't achieved... well it's overwhelming and depressing. 

I really do hate my life sometimes. 

My sweet guy is 4 years old today... I put together a slideshow of some of my favorite pictures of him over the years... enjoy. 

 

 

Also, here is the song we listened to when I nursed him to sleep as a baby.  This song still makes me tear up.

 

Every night I battle with my children about going to bed and staying in bed. 

Most night Jenna goes willingly and Nate is the one I fight with to go down...  however Jenna gets up in the middle of the night and ends up in my bed, whereas Nate stays put all night (ONCE I finally get him to sleep).

The last couple of nights have been no different.  Last night however, Nate stayed in his bed.  I was shocked.  At one point I thought I heard some rustling around in their room, but decided that it was okay, as long as they were staying in their room and eventually settled down.

At about 1 am, I finally headed to bed.  I check in on Jenna and pulled the sheet up on her.  She's in the bottom bunk.  Then I climbed the ladder a bit to check on Nate.

There laid my little boy... sleeply soundly... in his sister's pink dance leotard, pink lace tu-tu and pink satin ballet slippers.

Sigh.

What is wrong with this kid?  LMAO.

 

 

 

 

Some random fun pictures of Nate that I had to share.  The first one is from two easters ago.  He passed out in the middle of dinner.  Hunting eggs is hard work!

 

 

 

 

 

The second one is from this past Christmas, I found this racecar for him on craigslist... like new and the pride and joy of a Gordan fan.

 

 

 

And then the final one, during the races here in Texas - my stepdad is a huge Gordan fan and has recruited Nate into the excitement.

 

 

 

I've decided it's impossible to get three people to look at the camera, smile and keep their eyes open all at the same time.  Especially when two of them are children.  Even if I have a tripod and a remote control.  Well I tried my best.  Ha.

What's the best photo you took this year?  Show and tell!

My little streaker in action on the florida beaches.  What could be more fun or endearing?  And I stood in the ocean with my prized Nikon and didn't drop it in the water... clutz that I am... this was a major accomplishment!  Ha.

Ha... This was totally Jenna's idea, and Nate cooperated (probably just excited his sister is being NICE to him for once).  I laughed my mommy-ass off when they came into my room, Jenna following a blond-wigged Nate, calling him "Natalie" and saying "Mommy... I always wanted a SISTER!"

I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.  God I love blackmail pictures.  Ha.

 

Show us a holiday memory.

 

 For this Vox Hunt I dug through 3 years of Shutterfly albums to find these pictures from happier days when the kids were really little and I was still married.  It's almost hard to look at these and realize that all the hopes and dreams I had back then have all been flushed down the proverbial toilet.  However, I got the best things out of these memories... my babies...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Per my holiday traditions blog a few days ago... we checked one off the list... Christmas Cookie Decorating.  My sisters didn't get involved this year, too busy with their lives these days... but the kids and my mom and I had a blast.  I love passing on a tradition like this to my kids.